Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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