my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
