You made me cry and you don't even care
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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