Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
