I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize