eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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