Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
