he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
