apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
