On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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