Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
