I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
