Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
please come you make the beer taste better
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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