ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
