3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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