I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
