All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
