guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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