"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
