he shaved USA in his pubs
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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