I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
