nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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