not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
