I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
