She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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