Do you still have your period?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
