True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
