just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
