o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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