Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
