Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
