Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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