My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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