called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
