Will you blow on my dice?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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