she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
