He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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