the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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