I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
