omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
