I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
