Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
