I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
