If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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