you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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