pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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