Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
