hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
