I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
