If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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