Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
