So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
