I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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