im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
