talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
