You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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