She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
