she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize