So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
