Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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