God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it hurts more in the daytime
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
