It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
