i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
