How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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