I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
