I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
