And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
