conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The air was thick with penises
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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